I’m a Christian. I’ve built my life upon it. It is a key part of my identity. But, what, what if I’ve got it wrong?
Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not suggesting that my faith is misplaced. I look into the eyes of those I see walking along the street; I look out of my window at the vast expanse of nature; I look at the detail in the leaf of the plant trying to survive winter and I see God.
However, what if I have got it wrong. I have built a life which does not allow for doubt….not real doubt. Not doubt that says, “I might be wrong”.
Oh, I went through a period of doubting the church and was a “post-evangelical” before drifting back into the mainstream. But, there it is – I drifted back into the mainstream.
The majority of my friends are Christians.
My girlfriend and my daughter share my faith.
My views on relationships with others, including how I conduct my most intimate relationships, are based upon my understandings of the faith I hold.
If I were to allow the doubt to surface and not find faith still there on the other side what life would I be left with? What would I still share with those closest to me? Oh there would be common interests with TOH and Third Party, but something would be missing.
Yet, I know that in order to grow in my faith I have to be ready to face doubt openly and honestly. I need to be able to lay my faith bare and to find it or not in the unexpected rather than planning a faith life based on spiritual success through “doing”.
I need to discover that grace is something which cannot be scheduled or earnt.
In this advent season and coming liturgical year I need to journey into the unknown. The point of this is will be to find God by allowing him to show me where he is (or not as the case may be). To do this I need to learn to recognise when God is simply there and read the signs given.
The three wise men were given the star. They had to take the risk of following it, knowing only the direction it would lead rather than the destination. I think I have alot to learn from them.